


Mom Was Right. Should've Brought a Sweater.

by comefeedtherainn



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Destroy Ending, M/M, self-indulgent af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 17:47:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13172049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comefeedtherainn/pseuds/comefeedtherainn
Summary: John has a destiny, or so he says. And Kaidan has to let him fulfill it, even if he does so screaming himself hoarse.





	Mom Was Right. Should've Brought a Sweater.

One moment, Kaidan is sprinting full tilt across no-man’s-land, his eyes on the blinding beam of the Citadel. His boots pound the upset earth beneath him, his legs and lungs burn, his ears are assaulted with shouting and gunfire and the roar of Reapers. Garrus is beside him, keeping pace even though he’s wheezing slightly from an earlier injury. John is on point, and Kaidan keeps his eyes on him, unable to help his heart stopping every time a bullet comes too close or a explosion goes off too near.

The next moment, the world is fire and noise and pain, and Kaidan finds himself flat on his back, gasping hoarsely with the wind knocked out of him. Strong hands yank him up off of the ground, and searing pain jolts up and down the left side of his body. He blinks rapidly, his vision swimming a bit, and allows his good arm (the other is bloody and hangs uselessly at his side) to be slung over a pair of shoulders - Shepard’s, he realizes as they stumble toward cover. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, grimacing as Shepard sets him down with his back up against an upended truck.

“Don’t,” John says sharply, voice muffled like Kaidan is hearing him from underwater. Kaidan’s head spins but he doesn’t close his eyes,can’t when any moment another bomb could go off, more Reaper forces could land. Harbinger’s metallic voice booms overhead, so loud that Kaidan can barely hear Shepard shouting at Joker over his comm for an extraction. Wait, wait, no.

Before he can protest John has hauled him to his feet again, dragging him along and forcing Kaidan’s feet to move just to avoid tripping onto his face. His hair is suddenly whipped by a sharp wind, and he squints upward to see the Normandy descending amidst the chaos, cargo ramp lowered and ready to receive extractions. Kaidan panics, gritting his teeth as he tries and fails to dig his heels in. “Shepard-”

“Take him,” John interrupts, looking to Garrus and handing Kaidan off like a damn child. “Go.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen,” Kaidan snaps, scowling down at John as Garrus supports him, trying to pull him up the ramp. He tries to ignore just how much of his weight Garrus is shouldering; he is fine, he is fine, he can still fight. He has to keep fighting.

“Don’t argue with me, Kaidan,” Shepard hisses, his jaw set tightly. “We don’t have time for-”

“I’m not leaving!” Kaidan shouts, anger and fear compressing his chest, strangling him. “You can’t make me leave!”

Something hardens in John’s face and Kaidan knows that fucking look. He’s shutting down. Kaidan blinks away the sting in his eyes as John’s hands cup his jaw, his gloves blocking the warmth of his skin. “Whatever happens, know that I love you,” he murmurs, only loud enough for Kaidan to hear, their foreheads pressed tightly together. “Always.”

“Bastard,” Kaidan chokes, closing his eyes. “I love you, too.”

Shepard kisses him softly, too briefly, and then he’s gone, backing down the ramp and shouting for Kaidan and Garrus to go. Kaidan struggles again, but Garrus holds him fast, practically dragging him up into the cargo bay. “Let’s go, Kaidan,” Garrus mutters. “You’re bleeding all over the damn floor.”

Kaidan ignores him, watching Shepard continuing his sprint through the carnage as the ramp slowly closes. Just before Kaidan’s line of vision is obstructed completely, Harbinger spots Shepard and turns to him, firing a concentrated beam of fire and energy that tears open the Earth around Shepard’s feet and detonates all vehicles nearby. The last thing Kaidan sees is Shepard flying through the air.

“Wait!” he shouts, the rush of adrenaline granting him renewed energy. “Let me go, let me go, he needs help!”

“Kaidan, if you go out there you’re dead!” Garrus snarls, doing his best to hold on, but now Kaidan is well-and-truly thrashing, kicking his feet and screaming with frustration.

Kaidan remembers Garrus’ injury - bruised rib, if not cracked - and he only feels bad about it for about three seconds before putting pressure on it with his elbow. Not enough to break it more, but enough that Garrus swears sharply and releases him. He vaguely hears someone shouting ‘Vega! Vega!’ as he makes a beeline for the ramp’s emergency release. He makes it about halfway there before a pair of thick arms wrap around him and stop him dead in his tracks, nearly knocking the wind out of him again.

“Let go, Vega,” he snarls, though his struggles are now absolutely useless as Jimmy holds him tight and clamps his arms to his sides. “Lieutenant, let me go!”

“Sorry sir, no can do,” James grunts, dragging him off again. Kaidan starts trying to dig his heels in again, his biotics slowly beginning to flare, and Vega huffs irritably. “Listen, pendejo, you keep that up and Chakwas is gonna stick you with the good stuff and you’ll miss everything. Chill out.”

Fuck. Kid has a point. Kaidan slowly relaxes, though his jaw is still clenched, and plants his feet firmly again. Well, as firmly as he can - he realizes his entire left side is kind of fucked up, and he really is bleeding a lot. It’s smeared all over the front of Vega’s armor.

“There we go,” Jimmy nods, slinging Kaidan’s arm over his shoulders and letting him walk on his own now that he isn’t an immediate flight risk. “Let’s go get you patched up.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan tells him firmly. “I need to know if Shepard made it.”

“Once you stop leaking like a fucking faucet then we can go to the cockpit,” Vega assures him. “Joker’s getting updates from there.”

Kaidan mutters to himself but otherwise doesn’t argue, limping along and clutching his side as his wounds pull. He and Vega stumble into the elevator, and he takes the moment to rest against the wall, taking deep breaths. His gut is twisted with anxiety, his heart still pounding as his mind plays the image of Shepard, flying through the air like a rag doll, over and over and over again. He’s been through worse, though. John has survived worse. John has survived death, for fuck’s sake.

He soon finds himself bundled into the infirmary, which is already near over-flowing. Kaidan gets a little pissed off all over again seeing the state of the other soldiers; they’re all unconscious, mangled, clearly unable to keep going. John had extracted him because he was being fucking selfish. Kaidan could have kept going. Kaidan could still be down there with him. Bastard.

He grunts as Vega eases him into a cot, setting his teeth so he doesn’t let out the cry of pain he wants to. Chakwas is on him in a second, stripping him of his armor with an efficiency that leaves him a bit dizzy. She cuts him out of his civvies, not wanting to risk further injury by asking him to lift his arms or stand. “Lay back, Major,” she instructs, and he obeys without a thought. She gets to work quickly, disinfecting his wounds and wiping away the dirty blood before slathering the worst of it with medigel. The less serious lacerations she patches manually, clearly trying to ration their supplies.

Kaidan clenches and releases his fists, impatiently waiting for the procedure to be finished. It’s cold as shit in the med bay, and being down to his underwear is not helping his mood. Slowly the irritating pain subsides, the medigel doing it’s job. He pushes himself up to sit, ignoring Chakwas’ pursed lips. “I need to get to the cockpit,” he announces, scowling stubbornly when Chakwas opens her mouth.

“I’ll take him,” Vega interjects. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t fuck himself up more. You know he’s just gonna go down there on his own otherwise.”

Chakwas’ eyes darted in between Vega’s, and then to Kaidan’s face, before she sighed sharply and nodded, waving toward the door. “Go on, then. Keep us posted.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Kaidan murmurs, swinging his legs out of bed and grimacing as he hauls himself to his feet. He feels more steady, though, and there’s a lot less pain, so he waves James away when he tries to support him again. “I can walk. Let’s go.”

Vega gives him a long look but ultimately allows it, and Kaidan gingerly pulls on a spare set of Alliance sweats. Vega follows him through the crew quarters, which are deserted save for staff setting up cots in all spare spaces. Preparing for more injured. Kaidan clenches his jaw, limping into the elevator and bracing himself on the wall once more as he and Jimmy ride up to the CIC. The kid doesn’t speak, looking about as tense as Kaidan feels. Sometimes he forgets that he isn’t the only one that loves Shepard.

Kaidan’s through the doors before they can fully open, bracing himself on the walls whenever his leg decides to give out for a moment, and hobbles his way into the cockpit. “Talk to me, Joker,” he says through his teeth, resting against one of the consoles.

“Shepard made it onto the Citadel. Just him, as far as we know.”

Kaidan’s eyes fly wide, and he sits up, leaning over Joker’s chair to peer at his screen. “Seriously? You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Joker snips testily, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “Personal space, man, come on.” He waits until Kaidan backs off again, then shakes his head. “Hackett’s been trying to get a hold of him but his comm’s not working. Either he’s got no signal wherever he is, or…”

“He’s gonna do it,” Kaidan interrupts tensely. “He can do it. We just need to give him time.”

***

An hour passes and Kaidan wants to peel his skin off. He paces for a while, but that ends up making his wounds ache, so he settles for resting against the wall, crossing his arms and tapping his foot repeatedly. He scratches absently at his forearm at the same time, turning the skin red and angry.

“Commander Shepard,” Hackett’s metallic voice calls for the hundredth time, his channel playing over the Normandy’s comm speakers and keeping them all up to date. “Commander Shepard! Do you copy?”

It’s silent again, it’s been silent every time Hackett has tried. Kaidan sighs heavily, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm, a throbbing ache beginning there.

“W-what d’you need me to do?”

Kaidan’s heart stops, and then breaks. John, that’s John, and he sounds…bad. Not like himself. Slurring his words, his usually clear voice weak and muffled. Kaidan swallows, approaching Joker’s chair again but refraining from leaning over him. “Shepard,” he mumbles, mostly to himself.

“Nothing’s happening,” Hackett continues sharply. “The catalyst’s not firing, it’s gotta be something on your end!” Irritation spikes in Kaidan’s stomach and he scowls; can’t the man hear that something’s wrong? “Commander Shepard!”

“I don’t see…” Kaidan’s throat constricts and he puts a hand to the tags around his neck, squeezing them in his fist. Shepard’s words are running together, barely intelligible. “M’not sure how to…” Silence.

“Shepard!” Hackett calls a few more times, but there’s nothing.

Kaidan tightens his fist, the tags digging sharply into his skin and breaking it in place, and he finds it a little hard to breathe. “We need to get him,” he says, his voice loud in the silence of the cockpit. Joker doesn’t answer him, doesn’t look at him, and his temper flares. “We need to get him out!” Kaidan repeats, shouting.

“I can’t!” Joker argues, though he looks just as angry about it as Kaidan. “I can’t, we have to be ready, for when it fires!”

“What if he can’t?! He’s clearly injured!” Kaidan snaps, gesturing wildly. “We can’t leave him to die on the off-chance he gets the damn thing to fire!”

Joker puts his head in his hands, and Kaidan finds himself spun around and marched out the door by a pair of strong, metal hands. “Major Alenko, Flight Lieutenant Moreau needs to focus.” EDI’s voice is sharp and stern, and although her expression is in it’s usual neutral state he feels the glare. “Please wait outside for updates.”

“EDI, I can’t just sit out here,” Kaidan hisses at her. “I need to-”

“You need to let Jeff do his job,” she interjects, pushing him to sit outside the door to the cockpit. “He cannot perform his duties adequately if he does not have his focus. We will keep you updated.” With that she turns on her heel and marches back through the door, the lock melting from green to red once it closes behind her.

Kaidan lets out a frustrated growl, tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling. He rocks minutely in his chair, back and forth back and forth, and works to settle his breathing again. The small moment of panic ends with him slumped, elbows braced on his knees, and silently waiting for news.

He’s not sure how much time passes before the cockpit door opens again and Vega rushes out, looking pissed as hell. “Shepard armed the Catalyst,” he says harshly. “Hackett’s trying to get Joker to leave him.”

“What?!”

Kaidan drags himself to his feet, limping as quickly as possible toward Joker. Hackett is shouting for the Normandy to disengage, but Joker is ignoring him, hands and fingers frantic on his controls as he tries to maneuver his way around debris and gunfire and reach the Citadel.

“Jeff, if we do not disengage, we could all be destroyed,” EDI insists, watching his face intently.

“It’ll take me two minutes to get him, it-”

Kaidan’s back slams against the far wall, followed by the back of his head, and his skin prickles for a few moments as his amp flares. He barely has time to recover before the Normandy is lurching again, righting itself after whatever force knocked her off course. He stumbles forward, landing on his hands and knees and grunting as his injuries twinge sharply.

“Oh, shit,” Joker breathes, and Kaidan’s heart sinks.

“What? What happened?” he demands, scrambling to his feet despite the dizziness.

“The Catalyst…fired,” Joker mumbles, turning his head to look out the window with a stricken expression. Kaidan follows his eyes and goes cold, taking in the remains of the Citadel; just rubble, floating in space. The panic that overtakes him almost distracts him from the other incredible sight; Reapers, going offline all around them, their spidery limbs going limp and red eyes fading to black.

“He did it,” Kaidan mumbles numbly.

***

Kaidan rushes off of the Normandy before Chakwas can stop him, his leg braced and allowing him to limp more quickly and efficiently. The Citadel is a wreck, no longer recognizable, a pile of rubble and dirt and the metal skeleton of civilization. It’s surface is now open to space, the stars visible up above, although blotted out by burning ships and dead Reapers. The search party is in full gear, helmet lights on full blast as they traverse the rubble and shout for Commander Shepard.

For a moment, Kaidan is sure that John will find them first, crawl over a pile of concrete with some scratches and bruises but still wearing his crooked smile. He doesn’t, though, and after several hours of searching Kaidan can’t help his eyes welling up. He won’t stop, though, snaps down the comm line when Vega wonders aloud if their search is futile. Fuck them, if they want to give up. Kaidan won’t. He won’t.

He snarls angrily as he shoves aside another slab of crumbled architecture, peering through the dust. He’s about to abandon this area and move to the next, when a bit of red catches his eye. He freezes, then scrambles over to get a closer look - an N7 logo, red and white emblazoned on black. Beside it, a pair of dog tags bearing Kaidan’s name.

“John,” he breathes, then nearly jumps out of his skin as there’s a rattling breath and movement, a chest expanding. “Oh, shit, John!” he gasps, reaching to shove aside whatever rubble he can. “Over here!” he shouts, at the top of his lungs and choking a bit on dust. “Over here!”

Vega comes crashing through a moment later, nudging Kaidan aside. “Oye, Loco,” he mutters, hauling concrete and shit aside that Kaidan wouldn’t have been able to move on a good day. Let alone this shitty, nightmarish fucking day. Finally Kaidan sees Shepard’s arms and face, oh fuck, his face. He’s barely recognizable, bloody and purple and torn apart. His legs are pinned underneath a large beam, and the veins in Jimmy’s neck strain as he tries to move it aside. Kaidan jumps in to help, ignoring the screaming in his shoulder, and together they manage to get Shepard’s legs free. He doesn’t stand, though, and although he’s breathing his eyes are closed.

“Let me get him,” Kaidan insists, putting a hand on Vega’s shoulder plate as he moves to scoop the commander into his arms. James pauses, looking at him for a long moment, before nodding and stepping back. Kaidan inclines his head once, gratefully, before bending and carefully lifting Shepard out of the dirt. His shoulder is pissed off at him, but he manages it, forces himself to manage it. If he couldn’t save John from this lunatic fucking plan, from the desperation and panic of soldiers on the losing side, he can sure as shit carry him away from the fallout.


End file.
